Listen Mom: Your teenager actually WANTS you to give them guidance. Consequences may be in order, but so is a whole lot of grace. If you know it’s coming, it won’t throw you off. They are going to mess up so much you’ll wonder where you went wrong. They’ll get insecure and do stupid things because of it. This will keep doors open greater than any other gesture you can make.
Know at least enough about what they are passionate about so that you can have a decent conversation. What does your teenager love? Learn to love it too. He’ll love it even if he refuses to show it. Create a “hug a day” rule or something that makes it routine and normal. But even the most rigid, sulky teenage boy needs hugs from Mom. Your teenage son will likely pull away from you physically, and that is normal, albeit painful. It’s a hard world: A good sense of humor will get your kid through many trials in life–So encourage it. There is plenty of FUN and FUNNY entertainment out there if you look for it. Side note #2**I have a “ I can check your phone, computer, etc anytime I want to–no questions asked.” This keeps everyone in check. And they know that if I find them following anyone inappropriate, I’ll remove their Vine/YouTube etc account (See #2)) Side note #1: As for us–**We have a rule of “clean” entertainment only. When one of my boys come out laughing and want me to watch a funny Vine or YouTube Video, I drop everything for it. There’s hardly anything like the bond of a good laugh with my boys. No more knock-knock jokes or bad made-up jokes that never seem to come to a conclusion. This may be my very favorite thing about these years. A Mom that can listen and not criticize or manipulate is a really valuable thing. **When asked what he most needs from me, this was the first thing my oldest son named. This makes it clear that I am OK with any and every topic and I will always be available and comfortable talking. I push through the ‘ awkward,’ and bring up subjects that make my boys squirm (hello puberty!) but no one has died yet. Be patient, and try different times and places until you figure it out. Get them alone, in the car or wherever you can, and make it clear that you WANT to hear about their interests, and their lives. Even the quietest ones will open up when given the chance. So the freedoms we give are taken very seriously.īoys need to talk. Side note: ** My personal Mom-motto has aways been “With Freedom comes responsibility.” The minute my boys act in irresponsibly, they will lose freedom. Keep boys busy doing character building, exciting activities and watch them become men before your eyes. ( Remember–“Idle hands” and all of that…) G iven enough opportunities for healthy adventure, they will avoid a lot of trouble. Teenage boys should be encouraged…Even pushed–to try new things, to take some risks, to find adventure. Within those boundaries, teenage boys need the opportunity to stretch their wings. Make them clear and consistent, and have absolute consequences in place for when they break rules. They may resist rules, but deep down they feel safe when there are clear-cut rules without exceptions. Our boys need to know what is absolutely ok, and what is absolutely not. Sometimes our greatest job as Mom is to act like we don’t even notice. Some days they just need to figure out what feels right. How they walk, talk or what they’re into. It happens almost every day, and sometimes many times a day: Teenagers are always changing. So, what’s my role as Mom? How can I help the most?īetween conversations with other moms, plenty of books on the subject, and talking to my boys directly, I have come up with what I think are the eleven most important things…ġ. :)) He won’t forget these years, and neither will I. But these days…these teenage years: They’re short! Today my son becomes a teenager, and tomorrow he’ll be packing for college (God willing. God only knows I’ve messed up enough in every other stage, and I only hope they can forget about my mistakes. So…I’ve been thinking a lot about these years–and how I can be the mom they need right now. Now that my boys are developing into young-version human beings…It’s all making sense. I mean, I love my kids at every stage, but certainly some years nearly killed me. I feel like I finally understand why I had to go through the baby and toddler years: This is the reward. Slow down boys–I gave birth to you yesterday.īut really–I dig this stage. Next Saturday, Josiah will swagger his way into fifteen.
Over the next week, two of my boys have birthdays that end in “teen.” Today, Jonah stepped fresh and eager into thirteen.
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